San Pancho Vida

The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 3

Tracy Guadalupe's day started out pinker than a ripe papaya.

On her morning stroll, she saw a cute guy standing in the Domino's Pizza window and went over to say hola. Turned out he was trying to hire someone to work there!

I earn a lot, I deliver a lot, I grow a lot, and I have a bunch of fun, said his sign. 

She just bet he did. She wouldn't mind having a bunch of fun with him, and if she worked there she'd get to ride around Ajijic on one of those rad scooters.

 

She was on her way in to sign up when she noticed the delivery guy was holding a helmet. Are you serious? She'd have to wear a helmet? What would that do to her do? Also, she was so not into carrying big greasy boxes into people's apartments. Ick. Not the job for her.

Anyway, she already knew what her perfect job would be. She'd discovered it while watching TV with her friend Adam. She was wondering where to apply when she happened to glance at a newspaper and...OMG!!! Some floozy had beaten her to it!!!

Tracy was horrified. I mean, totally crushed! What did that big mouth girl have that SHE didn't have?? She decided to go home and sulk. But when she got there, that snakey-locked female from San Ponche had moved into Tracy's room--again. Could things possibly get worse??

Yes, they could. Turns out she was being put in the car for another road trip to another dusty town somewhere. This day was going nowhere but into the baño.

Off they went, following yet another gas truck past someone's laundry.

 

 

After an excruciating hour of driving past cornfields and misleading highway signs and goats, they finally stopped at a Pemex for a potty stop. Fortunately, the people who owned the Pemex had some taste and had replaced their real palm trees with beautiful plastic ones.

There were even plastic coconuts! In different colors! Pretty, even if they weren't pink. 

Then they drove into this town called Zacoalco del Torres, which (big shock) had a plaza with a church in it.

Who cares.

There were a lot of people on bicycles all over the place.

 

Apparently, besides bicycles, this town was famous for making some sort of furniture called equipale (pronounced ekki-polly) which is why Frizzy Hair Lady had talked Talbot and Adam into driving all this way to get to it. 

Big deal.

They drove up and down pot-holed brick and cobble streets until Tracy thought she'd barf. Finally, they parked. Adam and FHL went into a big house for a while. When they came out, they asked Tracy if she wanted to join them.

Not really.

But it was possibly better than sitting in the car staring at the Off can tucked into the back of the passenger seat.

Inside, there were, like, a couple of floors of this equipale stuff, and a gross pile of animal skins right out there where you could see them.

Tracy was just getting ready to go back and sit in the car when she happened to glance into a room and saw...trabajadores!! Workers! Tracy just loves men who are talented with their hands.

She decided to sit and chat for a bit.

They offered to show her around the place.

She tried on a chair with a nice cowboy motif, but it was too big.

Then one of the guys sat her down in a perfect little leather throne!

Now, that was more like it. She was finally getting the appreciation to which she wanted to become accustomed. Things were so looking up.

Then, on their way out of town, she met some more cute workers selling pink fruit...

...and then a handsome fellow in a sombrero selling pink corn!

Delighted by the fruits and vegetables grown especially for her, Tracy drifted into a contented siesta in the back seat and woke when the car thumped over an extra large tope at the entrance to Jocotepec, on the west end of Lake Chapala.

 

When they reached Ajijic, a little further down the road, they stopped for a bite to eat at Tabarka. The menu was unusual and fun to read.

When the food arrived, it looked good.

The specialty of the house was grilled fish (monkfish, scorpion fish, seabass and habachi), nice and simple with several house-made sauces and fresh vegetables, but Tracy wasn't hungry and thought she'd check out the place and maybe make some new friends while her old friends ate.

She met some fishes that weren't grilled...

Photo by A. Pool

Photo by A. Pool

...and visited with a variety of interesting folks.  

Photo by A. Pool

 

Tracy waved goodbye and got back in the car, feeling full even though she hadn't eaten.

Later that night, just for a moment, Tracy recalled with a pang the newspaper headline announcing the new un-pink Miss Universe. But then, as she pondered her day a little more, she realized that although she didn't have a crown, it was obvious that most people knew where she belonged: at the top of the heap.

After all, crowns are a dime a dozen, but glory is where you find it.

☆    ☆    ☆

In case you missed Tracy in Part One and Part Two:

The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 1

The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 2

Next week: come on back for A Few Shots of Tequila!

Thanks for reading, and keep those comments coming! Adios for now from Sauna Pancho.

 

The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 2

Tracy Guadalupe was just the weensiest bit antsy. Sure, she had a pretty good gig going: no rent, nice house, and she never had to lift a manicured finger. Still, she was about ready for some new action.

Then one evening she heard the garage door open and the limo drive away. An hour or so later, her housemates, Tyrone and Albert (or something like that) came banging into the house, laughing and chattering with someone. The someone turned out to be that goofy-haired woman who had first rescued Tracy from certain-death-by-boredom in her past life. (See "The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 1", over there in the February 2010 archives.)

Tracy figured she probably owed this woman a little gratitude. But really, she came breezing into Tracy's room and settled right in like she owned the place, strewing around a suitcase, a handbag, a computer and about twenty pairs of reading glasses. 

From her perch on the dressing table, Tracy watched warily as the woman unpacked. Pretty ordinary stuff, not much color--but at least she owned a pair of leopard panties and a box of earrings.

 

Now that she thought about it, it might be okay to have another female around the house for a while. Anyway, this one was way too old to be any kind of competition, leopard panties or not. 

And sure enough, Tracy was right. She awoke two mornings later to the ring of one of her favorite words: shopping!! That's more like it, she thought, primping a bit in the mirror, envisioning a slick and sprawling mall with shoe stores and glitzy shops and food courts. The name of the mall seemed to be Tiangy's.

Tracy was tucked gently into a big airy bag with a beach towel in the bottom and carried out the front gate. The three friends began to walk...walk?? Wait a sec, guys, what about my limo!? demanded Tracy. They didn't seem to hear.

Moments later, they had arrived, apparently. She figured out from a conversation with two big strangers that they were at some podunk experiment called the Ajijic tianguis. The first thing she saw (oh, gross!) was this:

The second thing she saw was even worse. Barf!!

This was SO NOT what she had in mind.

Things looked up just a tad when she was introduced to Domingo, who had a very cute smile (kind of like Tracy's) and who sold...jewels!

She cheered up even more when she was serenaded by a roving rock star.

Then she spotted these way cool rhinestone-trimmed jeans...

...and matching sunglasses!  

Okay, thought Tracy--it's no supermall, but maybe this tianguis thing isn't as bad as it seemed at first glance. 

She saw some other girls there, but they didn't have much to say.

So she had a chat with a nice couple passing by.

She heard a guy call "honey!", but it turned out he wasn't talking to her.

 

Some people just seemed to be hanging out...

  

 ...while others were all wrapped up in their own thing and couldn't pay her the attention she deserved.

 

 

 

So she decided to just look around in case there was anything else she totally had to have. The food looked good, and she thought about buying some, but then she remembered that she didn't eat.

 

She considered picking up a few little things to decorate her room...

 

  

...but decided to look at clothes instead. She saw some stuff she kind of liked...

 
 
...but it was all too big for her. Until, suddenly, hanging right over her head, she saw the cutest dresses ever!

And then...how lucky can a girl get!?

 

Tracy batted her eyelashes at the rock star as she and her companions strolled back through the market. All in all, she thought, her outing hadn't been a total drag. Maybe, one of these days, Ted and Alex would take her on a REAL shopping trip. Until then, the Ajijic Wednesday tianguis would have to do...and she guessed a pretty girl could do a whole lot worse. 

After all, adventure is hiding all around us, and often in the unlikeliest of spots.

♡    ♡    ♡

Tracy and her housemates (who patiently contributed their time to help create this article) live in Ajijic, Jalisco, a swell little town about 45 minutes south of Guadalajara, on the shores of Lake Chapala.

Next week we'll go with a real live shopping guide into Tonala, Jalisco, on a search for some hanging lamps, a table top, and who knows what else. Later! 

The Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, Part 1

The day the two women walked through the door of the display booth in Tlaquepaque, Tracy Guadalupe had just about had it. It was so obvious that the other girls sitting on the shelf with her were jealous: they looked straight ahead and wouldn't say a word. Sometimes, at night, she could hear them whispering. Maybe it was her lace hotpants. Maybe it was her artfully applied makeup. It could've been the rhinestone in her pierced upper lip. Whatever. They would not talk to her, and anyway, it was so boring here. So when the opportunity arose to blow this popsicle stand--even in a black plastic bag--she was totally primed.

The next time she saw daylight, she was in some little podunk village with the sound of waves crashing nearby. Not an ideal situation, but hey, it was better than where she had been.

That evening, things started looking up. She heard the words "sunset" and "vodka", and the next she knew she was out in the open air, feeling perky.

She was placed carefully--respectfully, and it was about time--in the back seat of a dark green limo and driven over a lumpy and annoying road to -- oh, joy! -- a construction site.

She found herself perched atop an awful pile of gray walls, but cheered right up when she saw there were PINK drinks!

And construction workers!!Tracy just loves construction workers. But try as she might, she couldn't get them to stop working and join her for a cocktail.

Well, at least sunset colors are so flattering to a girl's complexion. 

Just as she was beginning to feel a little chill around the kneecaps, she was whisked off to a big friendly white house to watch something called Olympics Ice Dancing. 

It was okay. Some of the outfits were cute, and so were the boys, but Tracy didn't get what the fuss was all about. I mean, if they gave her a pair of skates she'd show them a twizzle or two.

The next morning, Tracy went out to Punta de Mita, which she'd never heard of. She was taken to the beach, which was basically just a bunch of sand. The wind and salt air mussed her do, so she asked to be returned to the limo.

Fortunately, after that she was taken to lunch at Debo's.

Tracy waited politely for what seemed like hours while the people with her feasted happily on huge hamburgers with French fries, then she had a nice chat with her new friends, whatever their names are. Terence and Andy? Maybe.

The next morning, after a much-needed beauty sleep, Tracy awoke to a nice surprise: her new friends (Tristan and Alvin?) were taking her to stay with them, hopefully someplace civilized. Soon they were on the road. They made a few quick stops along the way.

 

A mere five hours later, Tracy found herself in a somewhat larger and slightly less podunk town. She didn't see much in the way of action, but there were cowboys clopping down the street, which was a very good sign.  Anyway, she sort of liked her new friends, and they had classy digs.

When they took her to her room, she figured she'd stick around.

All a girl really has to do, thought Tracy Guadalupe as she drifted into slumberland, is keep her lipstick handy, her eyes wide open, and her dancin' shoes on. There's always another adventure just around the next corner...and a girl's gotta be ready to go.

To be continued (at some future unspecified date...)

➸ Many thanks for some great lines, half the photos, and considerable collaborative silliness to A. Pool and T. Ashby. 

The Big Friendly White House

Debo's Cafe in Punta de Mita

P.S. The Enart Mexican arts and crafts show in Tlaquepaque, Jalisco, is held in February and August. It is a trade show, so you must have a business license or be invited as an "associate" in order to attend. Their website is borderline useless, but might possibly give you the dates of the next show in time to get a hotel reservation. The show itself is lots of fun, and one of its booths is Tracy Guadalupe's former home.

Enart Tlaquepaque