Age Matters

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Mark Twain

I imagine you’ve noticed, if you’re a woman living in the United States, what happens when you reach your fifties and edge into your sixties: let's call it the Invisibility Effect.

I was beginning to notice this phenomenon when I lived full time in the States. My white hair and the lines in my face seemed sometimes to act as an Invisibility Cloak. Not necessarily in a good way, either. Not like an invisible super-heroine who could rob from the rich and give to the poor without ever being seen lifting files from a slick corporate office or striding about a hyper-mansion helping herself to jewels and rare coins.

This other invisibility is insidious. It lurks in our popular culture, which so idolizes youth and model thinness in women that those of us who are of a certain age are passé, not worthy of attention or a second look. Some years ago, I read an article regarding this state of affairs written by Tina Brown, editor of Newsweek and thedailybeast.com, when Susan Boyle, the post-middle-aged Scottish singer, won Britain’s Got Talent in 2009.

You women know what I’m talking about: the constant clamor that women be young. This phenomenon commands magical weight-loss and cellulite-reducing products, endless plastic surgery, trophy wives, and all the other male-centric oppressions that encumber women in so many cultures. Values that are skewed, if not screwed.

So now imagine my delight entering this particular culture to discover that not only am I seen, but I am often admired outright despite--or maybe even because--of my age. I noticed it immediately, and I notice the contrast between the Mexican and U.S. cultures every time I travel back and forth. I like the attitudes better here in Mexico.

One day in Bucerias, at a beach restaurant I’d never been to, I was treated to an admiring ogle by the host as I approached. “Where have you been?” he said. “I’ve had your table ready for two hours!”

Now, surely, one takes these comments with a large grain of salt and plenty of laughter. But really, who can resist being escorted with a flourish to a table in the sand and assured that anything I needed was mine without question?

Another day, at another beach restaurant, a handsome young jewelry vendor came to my table. I expected him to pass by when I told him I wasn’t buying. Instead, he stopped to chat. “Are you married?” he asked. “Yes,” I replied, as I was at the time. Then he asked in a combination of Spanish and English, “How do you say “que lastima”? I replied in English, “‘It’s a shame’”.

“Aahh,” he nodded, then said in English, “It’s shame you are married. I like you much and soon I think I will love you.”

This kind of thing happens a lot here. Mexico, of course, is the land of machismo, which often drives me crazy. But never have I felt accosted, insulted or threatened by the looks and comments I receive. They are often sweet and always respectful, including the gazes from workers who stop what they’re doing as I pass and watch me walk by. I always greet them with a ‘buenos dias’, and they invariably reply in chorus. Kind of cute, really.

Political correctness doesn’t exist in backwater Mexico. It may not exist in any of Mexico. I find it rather refreshing, to tell you the truth.

Some women might actually prefer invisibility to a cab stand full of lounging taxi drivers shaking their heads as I pass and saying, “¡Qué bonita!” or “¡Mamacita!” I don’t. It’s fine with me. I’m a mature women. I can take it.

I've also noticed lately that some American men my age can see me. I'm glad. It means they haven't all swallowed the company line. In fact, now and then a man comes along who actually cherishes the evidence of experience in an older woman, who likes a face with lines in it and a shared cultural history, who is not craving youth for himself or for the women around him. Makes me think all that Women's Liberation stuff we did way back when wasn't all for nought. Makes me think some men get it.

This is my birthday post, by the way. My own birthday, not the blog’s. As I add another year, I wanted to tell you these stories. I’m reminded every day of my life that age is relative, as is beauty. So today, I wanted to remind you.

xo

C

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. Stanslav Lec

It takes a long time to become young. Pablo Picasso

 

Comments

[Tricia]

Happy (late) birthday! I admire and look up to women like you, and hope I one day I am as interesting and "non-invisible" as you are.

[Jeanne]

Happy Birthday Candice! Remembering the birthday celebration we had in Bucerias for you and Jerry - what fun times. So much has happened since then - not the least is fulfilling your dream of building your beautifully stunning casa.

[Beck]

Happy Birthday Candice! Hope it's a wonderful year! I've also noticed the invisibility effect here in the U.S. It's always shocking and refreshing when I'm in Mexico and some local guy tosses me a little bit of flirting! : )

[franny]

feliz cumpleanos, amiga.
but then you certainly know how to celebrate every day!
xo

[Gretchen Goodliffe]

awww Candice..... Feliz Cumpleanos... MUCHO MACHO MACHA buena cumpleanos....... You are among the youngest elven creatures I have ever met... your heart is so young... you make us feel young...