It’s time for the 5th Episode of the Adventures of Tracy Guadalupe, and you know what that means: those of you who have neglected to read episodes one through four are sooooo behind and need to catch the heck up immediately. Here are the links. Read ‘em. In order. Starting with #1. Then you can come back here.
So, as I was saying, this being Episode #5 of Tracy Guadalupe, we are all familiar with the peccadilloes of our perky pink pal, are we not? You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But even I, who found her and rescued her from her garrison of boredom (Episode 1), who carefully chronicled her continuing adventures (Episodes 2, 3, and 4), even I hadn’t the foggiest idea of how low our little pink mynx could sink.
It all started when I offered to give her a hiatus from what she called her “so-so-sleepytime” life in Ajijic with her friends and over-protectors, Truman and Alcott, and bring her to the beach for a visit.
Everything went fine at first, although she did natter a bit about being put inside the glass bookcase, even though it was dehumidified and all. I thought it was a good place for her, myself, out of trouble and nagging range, yet with a view of the sofas. Then Truman and Alcott arrived and sided with her, of course, so I had to move her out into open air. Personally, I felt this was a serious mistake, but three against one and all that.
Next thing I know, she’s wandering around the house whispering to the pets, no doubt to see whether she could entice them to misbehave. Fortunately, I have taken an advanced course in Clicker Training, so my pets do what they’re frigging told. They are especially good at “Stay!”
Except for my sweet neighbor dogs, who are especially good at “Have a treat!”
So Tracy struck out there, which she totally hates.
She wandered around the house a bit, critiquing the decor, which needs more pink, in her less-than-humble opinion.
After that, she spent a little time watching polo (by which I mean the polo players in their tight-fitting knickers astride powerful muscled rhythmic beasts).
But she bores easily, as you know. I went into the kitchen to peel some mangoes, and when I came out only a few minutes later, I found her on the new side table nosing around the new Frida sculpture.
“Hold the phone, there, Tracy G,” I said. “What are you up to now?” I knew I should’ve left her in the bookcase. “That happens to be my new Frida Painting Frida piece, and you have no reason to be anywhere near it, as far as I can figure.”
She beamed up at me with her usual insouciance and said something about Frida being sooooo cliché and didn’t I know that she (meaning Tracy) was also a painter of much hipper subject matter? No, I said, I didn’t know that, nor am I inclined much to believe it.
And I gave her a time-out in the corner near the equipale chairs, several meters from the side table.
How long was it when I came out again to the terrazza? Maybe ten minutes, as I had only pulled the refrigerator out from its cove to try again to discover its filter which surely must be clogged as there is still neither ice nor water emitting from their assigned exits.
And there she was, the little pink pretender: sitting, paintbrush in hand, bragging about her "self-portrait"!
Now, first of all, that painting was created and sent to me by Dame Gretchen Goodliffe of Parts North, as you know if you read an October post entitled Make My Day.
(Which artist, by the way, is visiting Casa Luz de Luna for the very first time on this very day!)
So this was most obviously a case of Plagiarism in Pink.
And secondly...I can barely write this, as I am still in shock. Never mind, I'll just show you. Here is a cropped portion of a photo taken earlier the same day:
How many paintbrushes do you see?
And here is a photo taken after Tracy Guadalupe departed, buckled into the back seat of one white CRV piloted by the aforementioned Alcott and co-piloted by his partner (in crime??) Truman:
Now how many paintbrushes do you see?? One, that's how many, which is one less than came with the Frida sculpture!
You see what I'm getting at, I'm sure. This is obviously a case of The Pilfered Paintbrush, and I just have to wonder how Alcott could have settled Miss G into the back seat of the CRV without noticing the paintbrush still grasped in her greedy little pink paw! But then, she's always been good at wrapping him around her chubby and manicured fingers, hasn't she?
Can you say "accessory"? Can you say "accomplice"??
Truman, it appears, is innocent after all, as he willingly provided this evidentiary photo taken after they had all arrived back in Ajijic:
What do you see in her right hand? Something familiar? Something heisted??
I publish this post as a community service, really. Just to give you a heads-up in case a certain fuschia señorita should arrive on your doorstep one day. Keep an eye on her, that's my advice. She seems to have a superiority complex that knows no bounds.
Photo taken while Tracy wasn't looking by Franny B.
Just a heads-up, that's all I'm saying.
✕ ✕ ✕
Needless to say, living with Miss Tracy hasn't been easy today after this gross misrepresentation was published. ("Rampage" isn't strong enough.) "Pretender?!" ..."Pilferer?!"... "Thief?!" .... "TRAMP?!??!!!" Do ANY of you have any idea how many Guadalajara attorneys she keeps in her little black boo-......that is to say, programmed into her i-phone speed-dial? Be careful, San Panchitas. She'll slap your asses with a slander suit so fast your flip-flops won't remember how to float.
Posted by: Truman | April 15, 2011 at 06:03 PM
All I can say is; with Dick in town, you better keep an eye on that shameless little hussy! I suspect she will try to steal him and his affection as well. Not that she could but after this episode I am certain she will try anything!
Posted by: Diedre | April 15, 2011 at 03:45 PM
She skipped town? She is gone? What a tramp... running off with Truman and Alcott like that, and they ALLOWED it..even with the stolen goods? Perhaps San Pancho is better off. We've seen enough heists around here lately! Let the Pink Pawed Pilferer go, I say.
Posted by: frannyb | April 15, 2011 at 09:45 AM
Alcott didn't see the paintbrush because it was hiding in the pink floral bouquet Tracy Guadalupe received when she won the Miss San Pancho pageant. And that paint brush she is so wrongly accused of stealing? She thought it was a gift from Sra. Dulces. However, she has decided her talents shouldn't be limited to canvas when she, herself, is a masterpiece of beauty. She now uses her Frida paintbrush when applying her lipstick. And her lipstick of choice? Benjamin Moore Watermelon Red, of course!
Posted by: Alcott | April 15, 2011 at 08:34 AM
Good to see Tracy back! and love getting glimpses of the house in the midst of her mayhem....
Posted by: Char | April 15, 2011 at 08:15 AM
Oh god, that was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good thing Tracey went home with the boys, don't think the two of you could survive for long in the same household!
Posted by: Dee | April 15, 2011 at 07:32 AM
I loved it! Hilarious! That sneaky Tracy! Maybe she'll paint you something with the heisted paint brush!
Have a great time with Gretchen!!!!
(Love your turtle!)
Posted by: Jeanne | April 15, 2011 at 07:26 AM
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
It was the duo painters that clinched it, helplessly, hopelessly priceless! I loved it!
Posted by: Gretchen | April 15, 2011 at 02:05 AM